Six Solutions: Solution Two – Tame your Ego

This is the one I expect many people to find the most confusing of the Six Solutions, but it’s actually quite simple.

First though, you’ll need to recognise what your Ego is. And why it’s so dangerous.

For me, my Ego is the snarling, badgering voice inside my head: The one fond of telling me that I should be more, or that I should have more, want more, expect more. Because who I am and the life I lead isn’t enough.

Recognise those feelings?

Of course, we all have an Ego. And I guess we all need an Ego. Perhaps in ancient times, the Ego was the thing that pushed us to survive; in famine, in battle, in the face of a pack of wild wolves or a hungry bear. Ego told us we were too important to die. We had to survive! So back then, it had its uses.

Yet the world and humankind has moved on. In the Western world, we no longer face famine, battle or the threat of wild animals. So what purpose does the Ego serve?

Ego no longer there to protect you

No longer worried about its survival, the modern Ego has reinvented itself. No longer content with encouraging you to survive, it now wants you to succeed. It wants you to win. To be the smartest, the strongest, the most popular, the most important, the richest. The Best!!

Its appetite is insatiable. No sooner have you got the new job with the larger salary that it wants more. You get the car, the house, the brands, the gadgets, the holidays…but it’s not enough. It drives and pushes and manipulates and bullies until you reach your limits. Yet it’s STILL not enough! It’s NEVER enough.

Unchecked and unfulfilled, the Ego then turns on you. This is when you’re achievements become your failures. Suddenly, you’re not earning enough. Your house isn’t big enough, or in the right postcode. Your designer clothes aren’t new enough, or trendy enough. Your car isn’t new enough, or big enough, or expensive enough.

This narrative runs constantly through your mind, gnawing away at your self-esteem, peeling your confidence away layer by layer, robbing you of contentment and happiness. Eventually, you begin to feel like you’re failing at life. Your Ego tells you that you’re letting yourself and your family down. That your efforts aren’t good enough. Your achievements are worthless. You’re a failure! And we believe it.

But this is a lie!!

Would you let a child rule your life?

The Ego is like a demanding child; no matter how much you feed it, or reward it with trinkets, it’s never satisfied. It always wants more. You can’t make it happy.

To make things even more difficult, today’s capitalist society preys on the demands of your Ego. The media, advertising, TV shows, films, online forums – these are all filled with not so subtle messages about what success looks like. And it’s an all-too-familiar message: six figure salaries, expensive cars, huge houses, luxury holidays, beautiful clothes, even more beautiful friends and lovers, designer this, designer that. And if you’re not living this particular dream, you should be!

Of course, your Ego loves this. It validates its existence and its non-stop message.

What the Ego wants isn’t always what you need

Depression creeps up on us when we begin measuring ourselves and our life against ‘society’s’ blueprint of success and the demands of our Ego. When we come up short, we begin to believe that there must be something wrong with us. Once this negativity takes hold, it’s difficult to shake off and we spiral deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

So how do we overcome this? By silencing the Ego!

We have to first recognise that the demands it places on us are unreasonable.

We don’t need to be rich to be happy. We don’t need the biggest house, the fastest car, the greatest job title or even the fattest wallet.

Strip all life’s trinkets away and it is still possible to be extremely happy and content. Indeed, when you begin to measure life and yourself not by what you earn or own but by what you’ve learned and what you give to others, life takes on a whole new meaning. And your Ego grows mercifully silent.

What you need is all that you need

If you need a car for travel, having a car is enough. It doesn’t need to be newer, faster, bigger, brighter.

If you need a house and have a home, that’s enough. You don’t need more bedrooms, a bigger garden, a better neighbourhood.

If it’s cold yet you have clothes to keep you warm, that’s enough. They don’t need to be newer, or branded, or more expensive.

If you’re hungry and have food…you get the message, right?

When you can recognise that what you have is often enough, you suddenly don’t need more. This strips society and your Ego of its power to make you feel inferior and torture you. It also gives you the strength and the wisdom to appreciate the things you do have. And the magnificent things that are all around you.

When you begin to recognise and appreciate the things you already have (show gratitude) you quickly become aware of other things to appreciate. Like a loving family. The brightness of a sunny day. Birdsong at dusk. Afternoons at the beach. A stunning sunset. Sunshine on your skin.

These are the things that really make life magical. Being more aware of your senses than your Ego is one of the solutions to chasing depression away. Suddenly you find that there are so many things to experience and ways to enjoy life; things to appreciate and be grateful for.

Help your brain begin to heal

The feelings of wellbeing a positivity you get from such simple acts is what begins to help your brain heel. Just as negative feelings like regret, anger, frustration and sadness release damaging hormones into your body, good feelings release good hormones. These give you the ‘feel good’ energy that helps you raise your head and re-engage with life.

Begin to make your day about recognising and enjoying these things and life takes on a whole new look and feel, sooner than you might think. When these things become your currency of happiness, and you can acquire them daily, for free, your Ego suddenly has less and less to berate you for.

When happiness and contentment and satisfaction are so readily and easily gained, there’s nothing more for your Ego to want and demand.

By making your life and your needs so much simpler, and so easy to feed, you take away your Ego’s voice. The silence and tranquillity of a quieter mind gives you the rest and the space and the calmness to begin your recovery. To start seeing the good in life again; to start seeing the good in you again.