What have you done in life? For many people suffering with a mental health issue such as depression, questions like this have the same debilitating impact that Kryptonite has on Superman.
Just hearing the question can bring you to your knees, tipping you into the murky pit of swirling darkness where your worse memories, regrets and frustrations lurk like spectres. And when one reaches out to grab you, it can feel like you’ll be dragged deeper and deeper, drowning in the bile of your own emotions.
Yet, that same question – What have you done in life? – can actually be the source of your strength; giving you a boost of power and belief that will ultimately fuel your recovery.
Asking yourself ‘What have you done in life?’ gives you the opportunity to turn how you feel and even how you see yourself completely on its head. Depression loves it when we focus on our setbacks and failures. Wallowing about in regret and remorse is like giving a steroid injection to the condition. But when you look at the positive things you have achieved, depression cowers in the corner.
Find small victories to build your strength
Switching our focus from thinking as defeat or failure as a disaster, and looking at it as a valuable learning experience instead is a powerful antidote. Condition your mind to think like this, drawing comfort from the way you have developed and grown during your struggles, and depression will fall to its knees. This is why of all the Six Solutions, this is perhaps the most powerful.
However, when you’re gripped by depression and your mind can’t see light through the darkness, this can be difficult. I know this. So start small. Look for the quick wins.
For me, the light began to shine when I reminded myself that I was a good dog owner. Yep, it sounds such a small thing. And in the great scheme of life, perhaps it is. But to my little dog Charlie, it’s everything. I’m everything. And that MATTERS!
It doesn’t matter what happens in my life, or how I’m feeling; I treat Charlie well. I look after him. I take him for walks, even in the rain. I feed him, often sharing my food. I play in the garden with him, even when I’m tired. I give him a good life and he loves me in return. We have a powerful bond and we make each other feel good.
Knowing this makes me feel strong. It’s something I’m good at. And it’s no accident. Twenty years ago, I wouldn’t have had the patience of the compassion of the empathy to be a good dog owner.
My experienced of life, the good AND the bad, have moulded me into the individual I am today. Those experiences – the things I’ve learned – have given me the skills and the knowledge and the humility to give Charlie what he needs. Life has taught me well.
Life happens FOR you, not TO you
Once I had accepted this, I was then able to look at other aspects of my life to work out what I had learned. The biggest lessons came from my darkest times. Let briefly me explain…
I’ve always wanted to be an author and after years of toil and struggle and failure, I managed to get my first book published in 2010. I thought I had made it. I believed that the book would be a huge success and I’d make vast amounts of money from the sales, achieve my dreams and and live happily ever after.
That didn’t happen. The book flopped: It didn’t even make it into bookshops. The series my publisher had promised me was cancelled. I’d failed. Or had I?
For years, I told myself and others that I had been defeated. I’d made no money whatsoever and I was broke. But years later, at my darkest time, somebody made me look at things differently. Sure, the book hadn’t made the money I’d needed. But I had actually acquired things that money couldn’t buy.
To make some money, I’d toured schools and libraries giving talks. I’d always been afraid of public speaking but the book and my role as an author had given me the confidence to become an accomplished speaker. Even a performer.
Disaster opened doors that might otherwise remained locked
The book opened doors for me that would have remained locked otherwise. I worked with creative groups, museums and performers on live action scripts. That was incredible. And I even spent 18 months working as a writing coach in a prison. The best time of my working life!
My book didn’t change my bank balance and its failure sent me to a dark place. However, it changed me as a person; making me more confident, giving me knew skills, introducing me to new people, teaching me so much more than being wealthy ever could.
I’m now able to look at the book’s failure (my LIFE’s failure, as I saw it originally) as a life growing moment and the catalyst for becoming a much better person. That failure was actually my greatest success.
This understanding, and an appreciation that every experience we have in life – especially the struggles and setbacks – is an opportunity to learn, grow and become even better, is what now helps to sustain me. It gives me comfort and strength.
By surviving, you’ve already proven that you’re a winner
By getting through those dark times and surviving, I can look forward with hope and know that no matter what life throws at me in the future, I have the wisdom and ability to cope, survive and thrive.
It you’re battling through your own dark times, try looking at your life experiences in this way. Just surviving each day proves that you are strong. Being able to lift your head and look out at the world, shows you have courage. And being prepared to read this blog, to look for potential solutions and continue the battle, demonstrates that you have wisdom.
Hold onto this. Let it give you the injection of belief and hope. You are already much more than you realise.
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