As a society, we seem addicted to drama. I’m not talking about the fictional shows we watch on TV for entertainment. That can often be fun and harmless escapism.
What I’m talking about is the more insidious version of drama. The toxic stream of bile that we allow into our lives and into our heads. A stream that makes us upset, frustrated, angry, sad and scared. The drama that we can do nothing about.
On some levels, this comes from the media. Tune into any TV news show and you’ll often see the aftermath of disaster, or war, or social and political upheaval. You’ll see people suffering, or fighting, or arguing, weeping, wailing, sometimes even dying.
Usually, these events are taking place hundreds, often thousands of miles away, to people you don’t know and will never meet. As sad as their situation and stories are, you’re powerless to make a difference. So it’s hardly surprising to find that observing and absorbing this kind of drama is unlikely to fill you with positive energy or happiness.
We’re fed a constant diet of disaster and doom
Turning away from this constant flow of bad news, from TV, newspapers even online, is an effective way of helping to calm and quieten your mind. If you’re depressed or anxious, being fed a constant diet of frightening and upsetting information certainly isn’t going to help. And appearing to be out of step with so called ‘world’ events is a tiny price to pay if it helps to give you the space, time and tranquillity to help you get back in step with yourself.
However, even that level of drama isn’t what I set out to write about today. The drama I’m really talking about avoiding, is the drama that comes from other people: Colleagues, friends, family. This is without a doubt, the most damaging input we face today.
Whoever first introduced the notion that ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ certainly wasn’t battling with a mental health issue. Because a problem shared is often a poisonous infusion of negativity that goes straight to our soul.
If you think I’m exaggerating, spend a moment thinking about it.
Daily dose of unsolvable problems
Other people’s drama usually centres on an issue or a problem they have recently encountered: conflict at work, a tricky relationship issue, falling out with friends or family. It could have occurred an hour ago, a day ago, perhaps a week or a month ago. Whenever it happened though, it’s already history. It can’t be revisited, influenced or changed. It’s over.
Yet when a person chooses to burden you with the issue, they are forcing you to travel back in time to a moment that doesn’t even belong to you.
Once there, they pour their anger and frustrations and fears and disappointments straight at you. You’re expected to field these and feel these sore emotions, without having a single opportunity to do anything about it.
Now, you might say that surely there’s no harm in listening to another person’s problem. And if you can find a solution to a problem, maybe that is true. But you can’t. The event the drama relates to has already happened. You’re powerless.
Besides, the person sharing their drama is unlikely to want your help anyway. They just want to vent: To unleash their own frustrations and anger and resentment on one direction – straight at you. And they probably want you to sympathise and understand and agree with them. The want you to support their point of view, feel and agree with their sense of injustice or revulsion, feel their emotions and validate their actions. They certainly don’t want you to disagree, nor even suggest a compromise.
Not a problem for ordinary people. But we’re not ordinary people
For somebody who doesn’t battle mental health issues, this can be incredibly draining. So for people who do carry the burden of depression or anxiety, this unnecessary drama can be lethal. This infusion of raw negative feelings and emotions is like putting a naked flame next to rocket fuel.
With a sensitive mind already burdened by dark energies of your own, the last thing you need is a direct injection of more. Especially when these harmful thoughts and sensations are delivered with such intensity.
Of course, depression itself loves other people’s drama. Feelings of fury, frustration, misery and defeat are its essential nourishment. It already feeds you with as much of this as it can find; reminding you of past failures, mistakes, regret and remorse. So when other people endorse this by delivering even more of these harmful venoms, depression rubs its hands with glee.
Other people’s drama is like an injection of steroids for your depression.
What makes this even more challenging is that we’re brought up to include drama in every facet of our lives. We love to gossip. Go anywhere – a café, supermarket queue, the pub, the kitchen at work – and you’ll hear people energetically discussing drama. Voices raise, hands wave, eyes widen, mouths gasp, faces flush; people seem to love it. So it’s hard to escape.
Turn away from drama. Fill your mind with calm and tranquility
Yet if you want to stand the best possible chance of recovering from depression or anxiety, avoiding these highly strung conversations and the bubbling cauldron of emotions is essential.
You need a calm mind, not one that is continuously scoured by the burning heat of negativity.
At the first sign of drama, step away. Change the subject. Make an excuse to leave the room. Or stay silent and refuse to engage. Better still, be honest and tell people that you can’t have those conversations anymore.
Will be awkward? Yes!
Will it be a challenge? Absolutely!
Will people understand? Probably not. And you may have to detach yourself from some people as you recover. Perhaps even for life.
Recovery will mean changing aspects of how you think, behave and live. Moving on from negative influences in your life is one of these changes. Leaving some people behind could be part of this.
However, it’s worth it. Your entire wellbeing is at stake and the most important thing in your life IS your life. You’re fighting for your happiness. Drama is one of your enemies.
Swap toxic drama for uplifting stories
To help, try filling your mind and your conversations with good news. Try to get people to focus on their successes. Find out about then talk about the things they like. Chat about ‘good’ news stories – a great source for this is The Good News Network at http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/. You’ll find a daily source of interesting and uplifting stories from around the world that you can share with other people.
By actively seeking out stories and news that’s good, you’ll fill your mind with positive emotions and the resulting uplifting feelings. You might not initially notice the subtle changes at work, but over time these positive influences will begin to work their magic on your mind. Eventually, the darkness will begin to recede. Don’t invite it back with drama.
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