We’re often told that the world can be such a cruel place. Tuning into the evening news, or reading the headlines on the morning newspapers certainly reinforces this idea.
It can seem that ordinary people do little to dispel the notion either. You don’t have to look too hard to discover that negative traits such as greed, aggression, selfishness and conceit have almost become twenty-first century virtues. Those thrusting go-getters caught up in the current version of ‘life’ often wear these characteristics proudly as badges of achievement.
Yet as human beings, we’re not meant to operate like this. We’re pack animals. Historically, we’ve lived in tribes and later communities; all closely bonded together with our group interests at heart. Even our recent histories are packed with stories of people ‘pulling together’, living cheek by jowl in ‘the same boat’, sharing a ‘community spirit’.
Maybe it’s no coincidence then that so many of our older generations hark back to past decades, and the ‘good old days’. My grandparents and even my parents regularly say that people were kinder back in past decades; friendlier and more caring. Apparently, they were much happier too.
Why were people happier when life was harder than today?
So what did they know back then that we don’t know now? What was their secret?
Clearly, society has changed beyond recognition in the last forty, thirty, even twenty years. Technology now dominates out lives. We can live and work remotely from other people. Lots of us don’t work in our home towns or cities. We can be separated from family and friends by hundreds of miles. It can be quite a lonely existence. And that’s not the only change.
My late grandmother would regularly remind me that back in her ‘day’ (she meant the years leading up to and immediately following the Second World War) people had ‘nowt!’ Times were definitely hard. During rationing, food was scarce. Jobs were low paid and money was limited. Clothes and possessions were expensive and people often did without. But apparently, they were still much happier than now.
And maybe that’s because they were also much kinder too.
Being kind to somebody else seems like such a simple act, yet in today’s busy world, it’s something many of us neglect.
When was the last time you said hello to a stranger
We no longer pause to wish strangers a ‘good morning’. It’s regarded as ‘odd’ to hold the door open for somebody else, or smile as you pass. And if you offer to help another citizen carry their groceries or shopping, you can easily be accused of having a sinister motive.
Yet being kind to other people isn’t just about helping others out, or making them feel good. It has incredible benefits for the person being kind too. There’s something amazingly rewarding about doing a good turn, or simply making another human being smile.
Compare it to the benefits gained from sharing laughter and it perhaps becomes more obvious. When we laugh, the body automatically decreases stress hormones; it diffuses situations. Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, our own inbuilt ‘good time’ chemical; giving us an instant and lasting sense of well-being.
Being kind is scientifically proven to make us feel better
Doing good things for other people triggers our neurological reward system that’s similar to the effect we get from winning money. The brain tells us that giving kindness is something of value and it rewards us by making us feel good.
Compassionate people suffer less aches and pains. Their immune system is stronger, so they have less bouts of ill health. They even have more energy and their cardiovascular system works better.
It would make sense, therefore, to believe that depressed or anxious people might feel the benefits of being kinder too. And they do.
Making other people the focus of your positive attention is a simple way to live more in the present moment. And be offering a simple kindness, such as a smile, a compliment, or just a little support and comfort will make your brain generate positive chemicals and hormones.
Importantly, seeing kindness repaid with gratitude makes you feel good too, and boosts your self-esteem. By quickly seeing that your efforts are doing good and impacting on another person’s life in such an instant and immediate way, you’ll soon realise that you are making a difference.
People’s reaction to your kindness makes you feel valued
Depressed and anxious people all too often feel that they are worthless and don’t matter. This isn’t true. But during times of struggle, it can be hard to see. Yet when you make the effort to be kind and helpful and compassionate to other human beings, it becomes obvious that your efforts matter. You matter!
People thank you. They smile. They laugh. They show warmth and appreciation and gratitude. They make you feel appreciated and valued and in a small way, special. The more you do this, the more you see this and the more you feel the benefits.
Start small. Smile at a stranger. Thank the bus driver, and mean it. Let a shop assistant know that you’re grateful he packed your shopping bag. If you give a little spare change to someone in need, pause and ask how they are. And really listen to their response. Let someone stand before you in a queue. Or let another driver out into busy traffic.
A priceless happiness boost we can all have for free
All these things are so easy to do and cost nothing to give. But they make meaningful connections with other human beings and the beaming smiles, thank yous and grateful looks you receive in return bring the kind of reward you can actually feel inside your head and inside your soul.
Do this each day and those feelings will grow and swell inside you. You’ll actually begin to look forward to interacting with people. Even the most cold-hearted stranger can often be moved to smile at a simple act of kindness and when you go through life being kind, people are kinda nicer to you too.
Your world becomes a much warmer and pleasant place, and the people you meet and interact with become softer and more engaging too. The cold, harsh, uncaring world that probably contributed to your depression and anxiety begins to fade away and become transformed. Suddenly, your world is a nicer place to be because you’re a nicer human being.
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